Part 2: The Vital Role of Youth Sports
Observations from 50 years of playing, coaching, parenting, and doctoring in youth sports
Deliberate Practice and Intrinsic Motivation
“You do not have enough talent to win on talent alone.” - Herb Brooks 1980 U.S. Hockey Coach
If your child is naturally athletic and enjoys sports, your early experiences in youth sports will be relatively easy. Children play sports to have fun, but as your child ages they’ll need to develop their skills and advance in their chosen sport in order to keep having fun.
As your child progresses the parenting challenges may increase. As a sports parent it is important to understand the three phases of Deliberate Practice:
The Romance Phase (Phase #1) - Your child will simply play, and practice is designed to be fun. As a parent, this is often the phase where you hope sports and ultimately fitness become a part of your child's life. If your child never enters phase #1, please refer to Part 1 of this series: Building Healthy Habits: The Vital Role of Youth Sports
The Precision Phase (Phase #2) - Your child will work on and ultimately gain technical skills.
The Integration Phase (Phase #3) - Your child will master a skill.
The second and third phases of Deliberate Practice require intrinsic motivation. When considering your child's sports career you should be aware of their intrinsic motivation because you as a parent cannot be motivated for them.
When it comes to youth sports, it's necessary to consider not only your child's passion, but also their athletic ability, which varies depending on the sports they choose. Some exceptional athletes manage to rise to the professional level based solely on their raw talent, never progressing beyond the initial Romance Stage with the sport.
Take Bo Jackson, for instance, who epitomized this phenomenon in his professional career. Yet, there are many examples of children who can simply show up and play at lower levels. Johnny Manziel serves as an example of a player who thrived in college, remaining in the 'Romance Phase' of sports, yet showed little interest in deliberate practice. Consequently, his NFL career was short-lived. A talented athlete may be able to succeed at the highschool level just playing for fun. However, most children will need significant intrinsic motivation to make a varsity highschool sport.
The moderately athletic child requires intrinsic motivation that aligns with their capacity to achieve athletic goals. Numerous instances exist of youngsters passionately devoted to a sport, triumphing at each stage despite average athletic aptitude. Conversely, there are just as many eighth-grade standouts who struggle to make the leap to varsity competition due to insufficient talent.
As a parent, navigating your child's athletic journey involves guiding them through both successes and setbacks while prioritizing their long-term mental and physical well-being. This is easier said than done.
Beyond the Experts Recommendations
A quick internet search on parenting and youth sports reveals the opinions of many experts, most of whom focus on preventing "burnout," which leads to kids quitting sports. They advocate against specialization and encourage participation in multiple sports while advising caution with club sports. They recommend parents sit back and support, while letting coaches take the lead. Common advice involves not offering constructive criticism on the dreaded car ride home after games, and instead merely saying “I loved watching you play.”
While I respect their opinion their advice is not always practical. Upon closer examination, many of these experts are former elite athletes or college coaches, likely with children blessed with athletic genes and access to top teams and coaches. For them, offering love and support might be sufficient for their child's intrinsic motivation. However, this scenario isn't typical for the "moderately athletic kid" in today's youth sports world. Unless your child is an elite athlete, they may require guidance, and decisions will need to be made.
Recognize It is not a Level Playing Field
To start the discussion we need to admit that children do not play by the same rules. The star athlete may get breaks the mediocre child will not. The gifted athlete will often be put in the starting lineup after missing time for being sick. They may miss practice for a family vacation or because they have a game in another sport and still maintain their role.
The mediocre athlete often faces the risk of losing their position on the team to another player. Any absence becomes an opportunity for someone else to step up. It may not seem fair, but it's essential to understand the dynamics at play. Mediocre players might get caught up in the politics of sports. They could be cut for reasons unrelated to their ability. The coach might prioritize a long-standing team member or a less skilled player with a positive attitude.
Sometimes, coaches avoid the discomfort of cutting a friend or co-worker's child, leaving your child to bear the consequences. I've even witnessed instances at the high school level where a player starts over a more talented peer because the organization is recruiting the player's more skilled younger sibling.
Ultimately coaches like to coach. Your kid may have put in all the work and another child who is not as good but who has more raw talent makes the team because the coach wants the challenge of shaping him. This dynamic is less of an issue in individual sports like track and field, cross country, and swimming, where it's hard to suppress the fastest performer. In sports such as wrestling and tennis, there's typically a challenge system in place—beat the starter, and you become the starter. These are alternatives your child could consider if they prefer not to be subject to coaches' decisions.
Both Sides of Specialization
A common criticism of youth sports is early specialization. When I was growing up it was rare to specialize before college. Now kids are specializing in elementary school. Parents are aware coaches prefer multi-sport athletes. Unfortunately, this is no longer the fall sport, winter sport, spring sport and laid back summer leagues of the past. This often means an in season club sport with your off season club sport practicing or having tournaments on the weekend.
The concern in orthopedics is this leads to an abundance of overuse teenage injuries. It is rarely mentioned but the truth is some kids will need to specialize to succeed. In a perfect world all athletes would play multiple sports but some kids need focused practice and concentration on one sport to have a chance to keep making teams.
Moreover, I question what some coaches mean by “multi-sport athletes.” For instance, in lacrosse, a college coach might envision a versatile player adept at various positions, such as an option quarterback/point guard/attackman combination, whereas a swimmer/golfer/midfielder may be deemed less relevant. I suggest adjusting your ultimate goal to maintain participation in multiple sports, even if it means joining less competitive teams or clubs to continue enjoying other activities.
My reason is that children often gravitate towards a sport they excel at or enjoy the most at a particular age, but their preferences may shift over time. Many athletes, myself included, have experienced unexpected turns in their primary sport, leading them to cherish their secondary sport retrospectively. Even highly accomplished athletes find fulfillment in their secondary pursuits. I recall a world-class lacrosse player who once wrote about the most memorable moment of her athletic career being a victory over her high school rival in field hockey.
Find the Right Opportunities for Your child and Family
Parents will often need to help guide their kids to the correct teams - especially when it comes to mediocre athletes. Is it best to be a starter or star on a mediocre team, or a backup on a formidable team? Each scenario carries its own set of advantages and disadvantages for player development. Personally, I lean towards prioritizing playing time. Given the considerable time and effort invested in youth sports today, being on the field during game day holds significant value. Additionally, parents should weigh whether it's more beneficial for their child to play alongside friends or join a team that offers the best opportunity for skill development and progression to higher levels of competition.The answer is different for every child.
It’s also important to consider the team's schedule. Is it in alignment with your child's intrinsic motivation? The perfect schedule for one child may be overwhelming for another, leading to burnout. A common trend in youth sports is the involvement of parent-coaches, driven by their love for the sport and the desire to bond with their child. This often leads to participation in additional tournaments that may infringe upon family time.
When selecting a team, it's important to be aware of your child's attitude towards tryouts. For skilled players, tryouts may serve as a means to assess the team or coach and weigh their options. However, subjecting children to numerous tryouts over several years can lead to burnout, especially for those who are on the cusp of either making or getting cut from teams.
Nevertheless, we should strive to raise resilient children. In sports like wrestling, tryouts are ongoing. At any point the backup can challenge the starter and become the starter.
Understand the Lay of the Land
Some kids are interested in multiple sports but there's no time to play them all. Your child may need some guidance in narrowing down which sports to play. If your goal is to have your child participate in high school sports, here are some things to consider.
It is certainly easier to make the soccer team at a football school and vice versa. Some sports are less competitive in certain regions. For example the late actor Matthew Perry was a great tennis player in Canada, but when he moved to California he could not get past the first round of a tournament. Every region is different and in some areas the best athletes do not start playing tennis and golf until they are older, opening up opportunities for kids who are willing to put the time and effort into improving their skills.
As a parent, it's essential to understand the landscape of youth sports teams before making decisions. Don't be intimidated by a school team's accolades. Oftentimes a school will publicize that they are a conference champion, meanwhile it’s in a lower division. The 5A state champion sounds impressive until you find out there is a 6A champion. Additionally, the top level state champion public school may be ranked lower than multiple private schools. Often private schools will recruit the region's best players. In other areas most of the athletes go to the local public school.
I mention this not to criticize any champion but to make sure you understand your child may have opportunities at schools with multiple championship banners. A child struggling at the elite club level may excel at a school where the varsity team plays at a less competitive level. On the other hand your All-Start could be heading to a powerhouse. Knowledge is power. A little research and information goes a long way in guiding your child.
Durability is a Skill
“You can’t make the club in the tub.” - Mike Zimmerman NFL coach
Durability is an overlooked skill. There are a number of “growing pains” that are temporary, and your child will outgrow them as their growth plates close.
These include:
Sever's disease/ heel
Osgood -Sclatters/ knee
Little league elbow
Little league shoulder
There are other overuse injuries that limit a child's development as schedule and practices intensify. I’ve seen many top level gymnasts break down in their early teenage years. Sometimes the only treatment is prolonged rest. It's not unusual for a parent to pull out their calendar to schedule a 2 week rest gap, when the child may need a 6 month break.
Another example is when a child plays in season soccer 6 days a week with multiple lacrosse games on Sundays, and starts having leg issues. They can either struggle with their ailment, continue at a less intense level, or drop a sport. It’s a “Catch 22”.
Specialization leads to injuries but being overscheduled leads to injuries as well. Some kids are just more durable than others. It’s likely your child's sports hero was not breaking down in their teenage years. If your child is getting injured more than their teammates, consider not only their sports schedule and specialization but also their nutrition, sleep schedule, and stress levels.
Recovering from Major Injuries
Broken bones or sprains typically heal relatively quickly in preteens or young teens, often with minimal disruption to their development. At the high school level, elite athletes usually regain their positions after recovering, but mediocre athletes might miss out on opportunities. However, rushing back too soon could risk reinjury and further missed time. This is an unfortunate reality in sports. Additionally, some injuries may require surgery and a more prolonged absence. Examples would include an ACL reconstruction or meniscus repair in the knee, ankle ligament reconstruction, elbow ligament reconstruction, shoulder labral repair, or hip labral repair.
If you follow professional sports you’ll see that many elite athletes return from these injuries and on occasion they’re better than they were before. There are cases where professional pitchers throw harder after “Tommy John” elbow ligament reconstruction. Drew Brees recovered from major shoulder labral repair and had a Hall of Fame career. Countless athletes such as Tom Brady, Jerry Rice, and Adrian Peterson have recovered from ACL reconstruction.
There was even a Sports Illustrated article on the Women’s NCAA championship basketball team where every player recovered from ACL surgery. In all these cases the surgeries did not make these athletes better. Often it’s rest, physical maturity, and focused rehab with improved full body strength and flexibility that leads to improvement.
The examples listed above are of players who are elite for their level, and it’s important to state that there are far more cases of players who lost their jobs due to these injuries.
Even at the highschool level your child's injury opens up an opportunity for another child. In the recruiting process if two players are seen as equal the coach will select the one with no injury history. It sounds cruel. In an ideal world a player should never lose their position to injury but that is not how it works. All-Pro Quarterback Drew Bledsoe missed a few games with a serious chest injury and his backup Tom Brady took over. Yankee first baseman, Wally Pip, missed one day due to illness and his backup, Lou Gehrig, started the next 2,130 games. This happens at every level of sports. It is just the way it is and getting angry about it is futile.
Whether your kid misses a game for a sprained ankle or a trip to Disney World, her backup could go off for 25 points or 4 goals and your child may return to a very different scenario than when they left. The solution is patience. If you keep playing, the opportunities will keep coming.
Puberty and Player Development
It’s also helpful to understand childhood development and puberty as they relate to sports. There are pros and cons to early and late maturity. The early bloomer will have advantages in middle school and high school, which can lead to success. This success will often prevent burnout and lead to big dreams. With success they often fall in love with the game and practice to reach their goals. Coaches may enjoy watching them succeed without thinking about their growth trajectory.
As a parent it would be wise to analyze how they’re succeeding. Consider this scenario: Is your 7th grader, standing at 5'5" and weighing 145 pounds, dominating by physically overpowering other kids? If your child is projected to grow to 6'4" and 235 pounds (or 5'10" and 180 pounds for girls), this might not pose a long-term issue. However, if your child's adult size is expected to remain close to their current stature, weighing 145 pounds at 5'5, then this will likely become problematic as their peers catch up in size.
This dilemma is particularly challenging for early maturing kids to navigate. Parents and players alike may look to success stories of small-statured athletes at the college or professional level without realizing that these individuals excelled as undersized 7th graders, spending years adapting and developing their skills.
A famous case at the elite level is Tim Tebow. He is a massive man and an elite athlete who was one of the best college football players of all times. He ran through and away from his opponents with average throwing ability. Unfortunately, he never developed as a passer and struggled at the NFL level where his ability to run through and away from opponents was more limited. We will never know if it was due to player development or natural ability, but this scenario can happen at any level. What works in middle school may not work in high school.
The late bloomer has another set of problems. They may enjoy youth sports but struggle in middle school and early highschool years while their friends and teammates mature and excel. Having early success followed by several years of struggle can be a tough pill to swallow. The kids who struggle through and adapt may have an advantage when maturity finally hits. The player who adapts to their small size, and is slow or weak will excel when they become big, fast, and strong.
I myself was a late bloomer. I had success in wrestling as a preteen and early teen but that all changed when my opponents matured and I did not. As a freshman in highschool i remember thinking “How am I losing to this scrub and why is he so strong?” Fortunately I was at a school where we had to do a sport every season so I figured I might as well get my butt whooped in wrestling and hope maturity finally hits. I also had a father who supported me and urged patience before quitting. Junior and Senior year puberty finally arrived and I enjoyed some success.
In today's environment of sports specialization I am sure I would have quit. My Senior year I had a successful season on a great team, with great young coaches, and outstanding teammates. What I would consider my third sport was actually my favorite high school athletic experience.
A better known example is David Robinson who was barely recruited out of high school and became one of the greatest centers in NCAA and NBA history. Why was he overlooked? Because he was a 5 '9'' high school junior, a 6' 6' ' plebe at the Naval Academy and a 7’ sophmore. My take home message is if your child is a late bloomer they may need some support and assurance that their time will come.
“Just have Fun, Why is It Always About Winning?”
As a parent you may ask yourself why it is all about winning, they are just kids. My hope is every coach would emphasize enjoying the game and player development over winning. I would add discussing and demonstrating the goal of lifetime fitness would be great. Unfortunately you can not escape the desire to win as an inherent driver in sports.
Coaches are typically competitive by nature, and even subconsciously, they strive to win. They might sideline a less talented player during a close game, promising more playing time in the next match against a less competitive team. However, when that game arrives, the team may underperform against the lesser competition, resulting in minimal field time for backup players. Furthermore, coaches may enable a child to excel in a specific role without considering whether they'll need to develop into a more well-rounded player to succeed at higher levels. Ultimately, the pressure to win may be necessary to keep the team together. At the club level, players are essentially "free agents."
Every season presents an opportunity for players to explore new team options. The top performers may contemplate joining a stronger team or competing in a more challenging division, while backups might seek opportunities for starting roles elsewhere. Some players may even opt to quit in order to focus on specializing in another sport. Teams are constantly at risk of falling apart.
Sometimes winning is the glue that keeps teams together. At the highschool and college level coaches are coaching for their job. The JV coach may be looking at the varsity job. The Division 3 coach may be looking for a Division 1 job. The head coaches may be trying not to get fired. It is hard to believe but even a club level youth sports coach may need to win to have the opportunity to keep coaching.
At one point in my life I was deciding whether to go to medical school or be a highschool teacher and JV lacrosse coach. When people asked why I did not want to be a varsity lacrosse coach I usually replied, ‘“Because in Baltimore the varsity coaches get fired.”
The Parent Trap: What You See vs. What the Coach Sees
Parents should also keep in mind you likely see your child at their best. When they succeed you may see it as a sign that with more practice and opportunities they will consistently be successful.
A coach will see them as they are on a daily basis. They will account for how they play every day in practice as well as game day. They will monitor how they do against top level competition and how they do against lesser competition. Understanding this will help you as a parent cope with some of the coaches decisions regarding playing time. The starter may struggle against a solid team and when the outcome is determined your child may excel against the other teams backups.
This does not mean your child is better than the starter. Your child may excel against lesser competition but the starter may be more dependable against good teams. In other cases the coach may be building a program and coaching beyond this season. As a result a younger player may get opportunities over an older player.
Before complaining you may want to put yourself in the coaches shoes.
Recruiting Occurs at All Levels
Recruiting has become an important part of all competitive sports. Even at the elementary school level, top clubs will recruit the best players from less competitive clubs. As a parent you should know that these clubs cast a wide net.
A recruiting letter is often an invitation to try out and nothing more. It can be an exciting opportunity but it is not always a guarantee. Private and Parochial schools often recruit as well and they will also cast a wide net.
Again parents should know the lay of the land. What does that look like?
First, your athlete may need to meet an academic standard for certain schools. They may be intensely recruited only to lose the spot to a higher ranked athlete. Scholarship money may not be based on your child’s ability but rather your family income. I have seen many parents assume they would “get money” only to be disappointed and somewhat angry that they did not qualify for a scholarship/financial aid.
The same thing is true at the college level. A coach who has three positions available may need to enthusiastically recruit seven players. Your kid could be recruited hard, and dream big until those positions are filled by other players ahead of them on the coaches wish list.
Finally, being recruited can be a gratifying experience. It feels good to be wanted, but there's an old adage: "You should use sports, don't let sports use you." It's crucial to ensure that your child is in the best possible situation. Be cautious not to let sports overshadow academic, career, or other extracurricular opportunities. Always consider whether attending a school primarily for sports might cause your child to miss out on a more prestigious academic or career path they would have qualified for based on grades and testing alone. This isn't to say that accepting a sports offer isn't the right choice, but rather that the decision should be made thoughtfully and carefully.
When Sports Have Less Opportunities to Play
There are a few sports and positions where a kid who wants to play should understand the drawbacks of specializing. The first one is basketball. Many kids and adults love the sport.
Unfortunately many varsity teams only carry 12 players and of those only 7-8 will play in competitive games. So whether your child has 50 other kids in the class or 500 you need to be very athletic to contribute to most basketball teams. On top of that you often need size to play certain positions. A smaller kid may only be competing for the guard positions. This is something to consider before specializing and putting all your eggs in one basket.
On the other hand there are several intramural basketball and “old man/women” basketball opportunities. College students and adults with some playing experience often excel even if they never made the highschool team or the starting lineup. The second case regards unique positions such as goalie or quarterback. In general only one child will get significant playing time at these positions. Before specializing your child should be aware of this drawback. I am reminded of NFL quarterback Matt Cassel. He backed up Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart in college and never started a college game. Even at the highschool level your child could be great, and may even be the second best player in the region at his position only to back up the best.
Stay Tuned for Part 3
In Part 3 of this series I’ll be discussing the elephant in the room, finance, and how it relates to your child's athletic career.