Part 3: Finances, Flow, and a Few More Thoughts
Observations from 50 years of playing, coaching, parenting, and doctoring in youth sports
I loved the game. I’d have played for food money. I’d have played for free and worked for food.
- “Shoeless” Joe Jackson
When it comes to youth sports there’s always an elephant in the room, and that’s finances. Most of my advice centered around youth sports and encouraging lifetime fitness requires money. Income inequality is a common topic in politics, and it can lead to healthcare inequality. We should not only consider how it affects healthcare access, but also how it affects access to healthy food and fitness opportunities for all ages. While these are important topics, we will be sticking to youth sports for part 3 of this series.
For kids who are not interested in sports, most of my alternative suggestions in Part 1 come with a cost. These expenses can include travel, lessons, equipment, and a gym membership. There will even be fees and equipment costs for kids who enjoy sports at the recreation level. At the club level the fees will only increase as some kids may need personal trainers or coaches to advance and reach their desired level.
However, expenses do decrease once young athletes reach higher levels and join high school and college teams. By the time a child has reached the collegiate level everything including equipment is usually paid for by the university or college.
Before reaching that point, parents need to balance the cost of sports with what’s best for their family. In a perfect world every child would have the opportunity to play whichever sport and on any level they desire. Unfortunately, some families cannot afford our modern sports culture.
As a strong believer that youth sports and fitness lead to improved adult health I see youth sports as an underutilized philanthropic opportunity. This goes beyond advertising on the back of a little league baseball jersey. It’s about making youth fitness a real priority so that every kid has the opportunity to play.
For families who can afford to invest in modern youth sports, the benefits are certainly worth it. My word of caution is to not let the cost of your child's sports increase the stress in your home. I’m sure your child would benefit from a happy home more than any sports opportunity. It’s also worth noting that there’s an abundance of free, family fitness opportunities.
Scholarships
Your child should dream big, but as a parent, the potential that your child will make money playing sports professionally should realistically be beyond your wildest dreams. It's crucial to understand that only a select few elite athletes will receive college scholarships, and the majority of these scholarships, especially in non-revenue generating sports, will be partial.
There are plenty of scholarships for academics, and there are other extracurricular activities and interests that are significantly less competitive than an athletic scholarship. NIL money and a professional salary are even less likely than an athletic scholarship and reserved for the most elite athletes. Remember, it is a long journey from your child's first homerun in T-ball to Fenway Park. Even if they become a professional athlete most players have short careers. The average NFL career is 3.3 years. So even if your child makes it, it is unlikely they will be set for life financially.
Although it’s possible for the most elite athletes, it takes one step at a time. I've seen numerous parents with high hopes for their children, fueled by early sports achievements, only to be disappointed by their child's diminishing interest, inability to excel at the next level, or struggles with durability.
Passion for the Game
The Best Athlete wants his opponent at his best.
All of them embody the virtue of non-competition
Not that they don’t love to compete,
But they do it in the spirit of play
In this way they are like children
And in harmony with the Tao
- Tao Te Ching verse 68
As a parent it’s important to observe your child. You should encourage daily fitness practices and when you can, provide them with opportunities to play. Guide them towards making the best choices possible, and ideally my recommendation would be to do this without going over the top and becoming the “crazy sideline parent.”
Paying attention to your child's intrinsic motivation will be supportive. It’s common to see famous athletes thank their parents for encouraging them to be their best, but you need to be aware that these athletes were likely incredibly driven and willing to be pushed. If you try to push a less driven athlete it could lead to stress, anxiety, burnout, a strained home life, and an unhappy child.
My son had a youth coach who would gather the parents at the beginning of each season. He would say that sometimes a child needs a pat on the shoulder with encouragement and sometimes they need a kick in the butt. He then asked the parents to communicate with him if the child needed one or the other.
This is something to consider when guiding your own child. Ultimately you want your child to play and push themselves because they love the game and are immersed in the sport. You can tell this is happening when they love practicing, adding skills, working on fundamentals, getting into peak condition, and competing.
This is an example of a child, who has found their “flow.” Flow is a term used in psychology to describe a positive mental state when a person is totally immersed with a feeling of energized focus and enjoyment of the process. In today's culture there is a tendency to glorify the grind. The truth is the people who grind actually love the grind. It comes easily because they find their “flow” in the grind. If you are constantly fighting with your child to practice, condition, prepare, and hustle then it is likely time to reevaluate the situation. There are many other physical activities that your child may find more rewarding.
Social Media
It’s easy to criticize social media especially when research strongly suggests that kids wait until the age of 14 to have a smartphone and 16 to be on social media. That said, these habits have not yet been widely implemented.
There is a positive side of social media when it comes to sports. If your child loves watching and learning about sports on social media, the algorithm will funnel sports and fitness content into their feed.
As a result it’s hard to be naive about what it takes to thrive in sports, and kids are likely to get inspired learning about their role models. For example your child may see stories about Michael Jordan’s love for competing in everything from basketball to golf to ping pong. They may also read stories about Kobe Bryant and how he practiced even before team practice, or how Christian Mccafferty prepares for a season.
There’s a legendary story Magic Johnson often shares in interviews. During the off season Magic Johnson was staying in Los Angeles, a city filled with distractions, which could easily prevent him from reaching his goals. His motivation to focus was the thought of Larry Bird working on his game everyday in his small hometown in Indiana, and so Magic Johnson made the choice to put in the work.
Social media can illuminate what the competition is doing and a child can decide for themselves how much time and effort they would like to committ.
Quitting
What if Michael Jordan had quit?
Well he did quit, well he retired, but before that in high school
What if he had quit when he didn’t make the team?
He would have never made Space Jam, and I love Space Jam
-The Kid President
It’s natural for a child's interests to change. They may be obsessed with a sport as a young child and lose interest as a teenager. If they’re aware of how much time and money their family has invested this could feel stressful. I have even suspected some kids have malingered an injury to get a break or a possible out. As a general rule I suggest reevaluating their sports plan after every season. Once a commitment is made it’s best to stick with it and not quit mid season. If your child wants to quit, keep the goal of lifetime fitness in mind. Work together to come up with useful ideas to stay involved in athletics or fitness.
Success and Failure
If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same….
You’ll be a man, my son!
-If by Rudyard Kipling
In sports, you'll inevitably encounter both success and failure. It's important to appreciate the moments of triumph. Finding satisfaction with your role on a championship team, alongside coaches you respect and enjoy, and teammates who are also your friends, is also something to be grateful for.
There’s a story of tennis legend, Billie Jean King, who exclaimed after winning Wimbleton to sports writing legend, Frank Deford, “You have no idea how it feels.” Frank replied that he knew exactly how it felt because he won the Baltimore City baseball championship in the 8th grade. While his 8th grade win is not on the same scale as Wimbleton, he did make an important point. Success in athletics can be something that stays with you forever no matter the level.
As much as we love success we likely learn even more from failure. Whether we learn to overcome challenges or move on when needed, the lessons are invaluable. I personally love the story of an aging Muhhamed Ali before his fight against the unbeatable George Foreman. Ali claimed he was better because he’d been knocked down and had his nose broken.
As parents we need to recognise that our children may learn more from failure than success, and this may be where most of the lessons in sports are found.
The Parent, Fan, and Coach
The experts will often tell parents, “Just support your kids and let the coaches coach.” This is easy when you have a great coach in your child's life. Sometimes that’s not the case. There may be times when you know more about a sport than the coach and even more about your child. Additionally, there may be instances where you have coached a sport or even that particular team, but had to move on to coach another child’s team.
Here are a few general rules of thumb:
Do not coach from the sidelines
Be mindful when choosing to give pointers
Consider whether your child is interested in working on a skill or not.
Experts will often suggest not offering constructive criticism during the dreaded car ride home after a game. Personally, I’ve always been a sports fan and as a child I was excited to analyze the game, my teammates, my opponents, and the outcome during the car ride home. Some of my kids had no interest in discussing the game on the car ride home or at dinner. Each kid is different and if your end goal is to be helpful you need to determine when the appropriate time for a sports discussion is.
Youth sports can become a major part of a parent's life. It can be an incredibly enjoyable experience. It is often a social experience befriending other families. At times it can even be more exciting than watching your favorite pro team. It can also be difficult not getting caught up in the moment. Ultimately, youth sports should not be adult entertainment. Challenge yourself to never yell at referees or coaches, and offer nothing but positive reinforcement to the players. If you fail, keep trying.
A personal story I hope you can relate to. During my youngest child's last highschool season a few parents asked me how I was able to remain so calm during games. They wondered if my work as a surgeon allowed me to keep the games in perspective.
The truth is I was faking it. When my kids were young I was often the coach so I was too busy to get caught up in any crazy sideline antics. When my oldest son wrestled in High School I was a maniac but I usually kept it positive and luckily most wrestling parents cheered loudly.
As my younger three kids played high school sports I learned to sit alone or next to a parent who would not drive me crazy. By the time it was my youngest’s senior year I was able to simply sit with my wife. Thankfully my cousin and former college teammate, who had already raised four kids, came to most of the big games and helped keep everything in perspective. Basically “fake it til you make it” worked for me.
Outliers
As mentioned in the finance section, players who eventually make money playing sports are outliers. Outliers make for great stories but parents need to understand that they are rare events. Mugsy Bogues played in the NBA at 5’3”. NFL Hall of Famer Michael Strahan did not start playing football until his Senior year of highschool. These are all outliers.
Most players have the size, speed, athletic ability, and experience for their sport to have success. What I mean by experience is that they played and trained against top level competition their whole life.
There is a lot to criticize in club sports, but this is where the top level competition is in youth sports. If your child’s goal is to make a highly competitive highschool team, club sports may be necessary.
Of course there are outliers. I have a former patient who did not play club lacrosse as a teenager and went on to be an All Big 10 Division 1 lacrosse player. As an outlier, she is very athletic, played a position specific to her talents, attended a top level highschool, and built the fundamentals playing at a top level rec program. I mention outliers so your child can be honest with themselves. They too could be an outlier. They could make it to the NBA at 5 '3' or start playing a sport late in highschool and become a Hall of Famer but they should be aware that is not the norm. If they have a goal it is best for them to understand what it takes to reach that goal.
You do not stop playing sports because you get old
You get old because you stopped playing sports
The Last Dance
At some point your child will play their last game. It may be at 13, the highschool level, the college level or beyond. My suggestion is to discuss the role of lifetime fitness all along the journey. The hope is when they leave the field or court for the last time they will start their fitness routine and “adult sports” quickly.
It is important to note highly competitive sports may require significant calorie intake. Once a child is done competing they may need to alter their nutrition for life long health. There are numerous examples of sports legends who either lose weight or put on weight upon retirement in effort to obtain a healthy weight moving forward.
Baltimore Ravens legend Haloti Ngata trimmed down and announced his retirement after climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. Many of the athletes I treat immediately transition to endurance races, gym culture, and social sports.
This is beyond the scope of this blog post, but the teenage years and young adulthood can be a stressful time. Exercise is one of the greatest antidotes to help prevent or manage anxiety and depression. Just like you may give your child financial or career advice you can check in on their fitness. You never really stop being a parent. Without nagging I’m giving you permission to suggest a fitness plan to help your kids navigate adulthood.
He is running off all the murder and crime from each day in court
- Little brother discussing the fitness routine of his older lawyer bother
In the end you want your child to be OK. What does that look like in youth sports and as they transition to adulthood?
Stay tuned for the final installment of this series next week.